Emotional intelligence (EQ) in business negotiations is not just a “soft skill”; it’s a core competency for success in tech business deals. The same principle that governs healthy relationships — understanding emotions and perspectives — plays a pivotal role in navigating commercial negotiations, especially in the SaaS and tech sectors.
Julie, part of Tavistock Relationships, an internationally recognized consultancy in therapeutic and psycho-educational approaches to couples counseling, provides insights into how this concept applies to commercial partnerships and SaaS deals. Tavistock Relationships, established 71 years ago, is renowned for its work in therapeutic approaches and emotional intelligence training in relationships, an asset transferable to business negotiations.
The Third Position: Applying Emotional Intelligence
“One of the key roles of couples therapy,” Julie explains, “is to help the couple find what we call the third position.” In a negotiation, the third position means viewing the business relationship as something you’ve created together, not just your personal stake. It’s an essential concept in commercial negotiations, especially when forming SaaS partnerships or tech deals.
A negotiator who approaches a deal only with their own interests in mind leaves significant value on the table. Understanding the counterparty’s perspective — the human element — in tech business deals can lead to more fruitful, lasting agreements. This is where emotional intelligence truly shines. It’s not just about logic and data; it’s about understanding motivations and building rapport, which can transform a negotiation from transactional to relational.
What Lies Beneath: The Value of Listening
Julie continues: “We also find it helpful to look beyond what the problem seems to be on the surface to what is underneath. Is a problem with disagreements about money really about something else? Maybe the couple are actually unhappy about an unequal sharing of responsibility or decision-making, but this is manifesting itself as constant arguments about money.”
For tech negotiators, this mirrors the common scenario when a counterparty fixates on price. The true concerns may be about service quality, flexibility, or scalability that are not being addressed. This is the value of emotional intelligence in negotiation: recognizing and addressing underlying motivations that may not be immediately visible.
The Gap Partnership, the global negotiation consultancy and training specialists, has observed across hundreds of consulting engagements: the negotiators who achieve the best outcomes are almost always those who invest most in understanding their counterparty before making a single proposal.
Active Listening as a Commercial Skill
Julie describes another dimension of the therapeutic process: “As counsellors, we must also be mindful of how much each individual can take in from each other, not just from a brain capacity level but also the consideration of other people’s feelings. We typically work with couples for a minimum of six months because it is a lengthy process working through these types of areas. It’s really important for couples to be able to clearly show to their partner that they have listened, heard, and understood their position.”
In a tech business context, this is the same principle. Listening is critical. Active listening and demonstrating that you understand the other side’s position helps build trust in long-term business relationships. It is not just a “nice-to-have” skill but a foundation for creating value-driven deals. This is essential for SaaS sales negotiations and maintaining healthy partnerships in the tech industry.
Curiosity: The Key to High-Performance Negotiations
Just before the conversation ended, I asked Julie what she considers the single most important quality in a couples counsellor. Her answer: “A real interest in people and what makes them tick, and a curiosity in understanding relationships.”
That answer resonates with any negotiator, especially in the tech industry. The best negotiators are curious. They ask the right questions, gather better information, and find creative paths to agreement. In business negotiations, curiosity helps to unearth new opportunities, fosters innovation, and ensures that all interests are met.
Curiosity in business negotiations isn’t just about tech specs or pricing models; it’s about understanding how people approach their problems and what their goals truly are. This allows negotiators to craft deals that go beyond short-term gains and create lasting, collaborative relationships.
Also Read: The Five Essential Elements of a Contract: Why Understanding Them Protects Your Business
Conclusion: The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Commercial Success
The parallel between couples therapy and commercial negotiation is not a perfect one, and it would be reductive to push it too far. But the core insight holds: the quality of the relationship — in both business and personal realms — depends on the willingness to step outside your own perspective and understand what the other person actually needs.
In tech business deals, particularly SaaS partnerships, the outcome is greatly influenced by emotional intelligence. Understanding the human elements, listening actively, and fostering genuine curiosity are not just soft skills — they are foundational to building successful, long-term commercial relationships.
Negotiation is about much more than just numbers and terms. It’s about building a relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. And that requires the emotional intelligence to step into the third position, see the bigger picture, and achieve outcomes that benefit everyone involved.
